“Excuse me. I have to take this call.” Ask a friend of yours to call you at a specified time, and no matter what he says, act like it’s an emergency and politely excuse yourself. If you drove, be polite enough to give your date cab money because it’s nobody’s fault that you two didn’t click. If your friend doesn’t call on time or you want your friend to call sooner, smoothly press your speed dial button to call your friend and then hang up quickly. Chances are that your friend will call back to see why you hung up, and on your end of the conversation, just make it seem like an emergency happened and bail.
Talk to your neighbor. It’s generally a bad idea to have a first date at your home because this is where you sleep. If this person turns out to be crazy, they not only know your address, but now they know what the inside of your home looks like, and see photos of your friends and family. Notify a friendly neighbor that a stranger is in your home, and ask the neighbor to knock on your door at a specified time. This way, you’ll feel more safe around this person, and if you show up missing, at least your neighbor knows who to tell the Chicago Police Department who you were last seen with. If you’re dying from boredom on the date, you’ll be elated by your neighbor dropping by to borrow some sugar.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” Ask a friend to show up at the location you’re in, and pull a Grammy-winning performance about being surprised that he or she is there. Maybe your friend can help make you two vibe together since the friend isn’t pressured to impress either one of you. If your friend can tell that you two aren’t working out, she or he can kindly ask you to leave for a pre-planned reason.
Give yourself a timeframe. Tell your date before you two go out that you can only be out for a certain time. Blame it on your kids. Blame it on your parents. Blame it on a sick family member. Blame it on the traffic delays on I-290. Blame it on leaving your iPod on a Metra train. This way, if the date goes awry, you already know how many minutes you have left before you can bail. And if the date goes well, then your date will probably be flattered that you want to stay longer.
Cough or rub your stomach before the date starts. Your date will probably ask you if you’re having health issues. Say your stomach or throat is slightly bothering you, but you really wanted to go on the date. If the date goes terribly, really play into that sick deal. Your date would’ve already thought you were sick anyway, so it doesn’t look dishonest when you really do seem to be feeling worse.
Tell your date the truth. While the other ploys may seem clever or amusing, none of them tell your date that you really aren’t enjoying the date and could land you a follow-up phone call or an email saying he loved the date when you hated it. But if you are honest and state that you don’t feel any chemistry, you can avoid wasting more of each other’s time.