You’ve probably heard the term bridezilla, but, did you know that Momzillas exist too? A Momzilla is the mother of the bride or the mother of the groom (sometimes both) who impose their ideas about how your wedding is to be planned. This can be one of the most frustrating and heartbreaking experiences a bride can go through – after all it is your wedding, isn’t it?
They’re paying the bill guilt
One of the main reasons so many brides cave into demands of their Mothers or future Mother-In-Laws is because the parents are often paying some or all of the expenses for the wedding. However, this does not give them the right to dictate every aspect of the wedding. Tact is the key ingredient to reaching compromises. Here are a few ways to tell your Mom or future Mother-In-Law that it’s your wedding without starting a major argument:
- Ask your Mom or Mother-In-Law about her wedding. Find out if their Mother dictated her wedding, if the answer is yes, then proceed to ask her how that made her feel. Then relate your feelings to her and help her to understand she is doing the same thing to you!
- Be ready with specific facts! Don’t just yell out “you’re ruining my wedding” – give specific and give a reason why you object! For example: “Mom I really don’t care for peach bridesmaid dresses, my wedding is taking place in the Fall and I wanted to use a Fall color.” OR “Mom while I agree salmon would be elegant, not everyone eats fish and some people are allergic to fish. It would be better if we rethink the menu.”
- Give your Mom or Mother-in-law assignments that are important, but, not necessarily the big points of your wedding. For example, let your Mom or Mother-In-Law be in charge of tallying up the RSVPs for the head-count.
Use their strength’s to your advantage
Instead of fighting with your Mom or Mother-in-Law it is far better to know how to channel that energy! Use your Mom’s or Mother-In-Law’s strengths to help you turn their dictating ways on someone else, and, help you have a fantastic wedding in the long run! Here are some examples:
- Your Mom or Mother-in-Law is a born negotiator. Make this work to your advantage! Have your Mom deal with the caterer or hotel to get the price lower or throw in some amenities. Not only does this give your Mom or Mother-in-Law something to do, it will give her a sense of accomplishment and something to brag about at the wedding!
- Your Mom or Mother-in-Law is the nit-picker. Perfect! This means she has an attention to the smallest details! Let her count the flowers in each arrangement to make sure the florist did, in fact, give you 1 dozen roses at each table.
- Your Mom or Mother-in-Law is the cheapskate! In today’s economy this isn’t necessary a bad trait. Go ahead, let her look for the best possible bargains out there, just make sure you firmly tell her that you aren’t willing to compromise. For example, if you want an Eve of Milady wedding gown, make sure she understands you want the real thing and not a knock-off or look alike!
The best thing you can do is talk – not shout – out your objections. Again, have facts and reasons why you do not agree with your Mother’s or Mother-in-Law’s ideas, and, chances are you’ll be able to reach a happy compromise.
Best of luck!