SAN FRANCISCO, CA —
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the House
Not a lobbyist was stirring, not even a rat.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Harry Reid soon would be there.
Congress was nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of one fifth of the economy danced in their heads.
And Speaker in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for America’s long winter’s nap.
When out on the White House lawn there arose such a clatter,
We sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But the 2,200 page bill, dragged in by the Speaker.
And a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be Harry Reid.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
“Now Bachus! now, Boxer! now, Schumer and Waxman!
On, Specter! On, Kerry! on, on Levin and Bingamen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little claw.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Harry Reid came with a bound.
His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His devilish little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And gathered up all the votes, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a thumbs up and up the chimney he rose!
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and enjoy managing one fifth
of the U.S. Economy, and good-night all!”