My partner and I have been together for 8 months. In the beginning sex was not a main focus for us due to some medical issues. Now even though that part is over with; it was a stumbling block within our relationship, for which my partner blames me.
Now because I can’t orgasm with penetration alone, he feels like less of a man. He said he’s never had that problem with that in his past relationships. He also blames his inability to orgasm… on me. He said it’s my fault, because he can do it through masturbation yet he cannot do it with me. This is where all of this gets to me. He has told me he might have a medical problem with his prostrate, which no doctor has found. He can masturbate and then orgasm no problem but when he gets to the point of doing this inside of me he gets this feeling of having to urinate. So he stops. I then I am often left hanging.
He used to look at a lot of porn. He said he stopped because I told him I didn’t like it especially with how much I found on my computer. It was extensive.
My question; is this entirely my fault? Am I out of the norm because penetration alone doesn’t do it for me? I am afraid to even try to make things better, because it just makes me feel bad and I tense up.
First of all, do not stress out because of your inability to orgasm with his penetration alone. The majority of women DO NOT orgasm with penetration alone. There are many women that need some kind of added stimulation (clitoral or otherwise) in addition to the penetration to actually be able to achieve orgasm.
They may be telling their partners that they are achieving an orgasm, or even acting as if they are… but it does not happen all of the time, not nearly as much as men think. (Wink)
As far as your partner telling you that he has never had this problem before, and that he has always gotten his partners off, Well that’s up to interpretation… Yes some men are able to do this by penetration alone. But this takes communication and being open to their partners needs. It also takes a little more sensitivity then he is showing you. In my opinion, he is already falling SHORT (wink, wink) as far as getting this matter resolved, mainly because he is putting the blame on you. Any kind of sexual release is as much mental as it is physical; you both have to be emotionally invested in the experience, blame shifting of any kind will stifle any chances of this. It can become a vicious circle (No release, insecurity, blame, anger, no release…) you get my meaning.
Now lets look at your partners release or inability to be able to release within you, because he feels the need to urinate.
When men orgasm, the actual feeling is very similar to the feeling your partner describes. (It is also the feeling a woman feels when she is close to having a G-Spot orgasm). Never the less, if a man is erect he is unable to physically urinate. NOT unless he has had much practice or forces the issue… and even then it’s almost impossible to do this while being close to orgasm and in the motion of intercourse. The human body has a natural switch within, and it changes the flow of things,(if you get my drift). During sexual arousal, muscles at the base of the bladder contract in order to close off the passageway from the bladder into the urethra, the tube through which urine and semen leave the body. This makes it impossible for urine to be released during ejaculation.
There is always a possibility of your partner having a prostrate problem. But if so he needs to get some help.
But I really have to tell you I don’t get it?? If he is masturbating to porn and releasing he should know what it feels like… unless he’s just pounding the thing silly?? If he has no problem releasing that way he should have no problem doing it during intercourse. He just may be numb and desensitized and thus needs to abstain a short while so that the sensitivity arises again. If he has a fear of urinating during intercourse have him wear a condom for a while or until he is able to orgasm. You could try changing positions, flip… this may help you both reach your goals, he just may be in a position that puts more pressure on his bladder. Or it could be as simple as he is used to doing it in one position only. Maybe try to be a little bit more, gentle when he leaves you hanging… Remember (No release, insecurity, blame, anger, no release…) It works both ways.
BOTH of you need to relax, there may be some resentment from him towards you due to the fact you made him quit porn altogether. It had its place when you were going through the medical problems, and it enabled him to get through the lack of sexual contact without going outside of the relationship. (There is nothing wrong with a little porn as long as it does not command your every thought, word and deed). Let him Wean off of it. Maybe share the experience, and then replace it with you. (Smile) If you want to achieve this, you need to guide him and tell him what you are feeling, show him areas you need him to focus upon and then most of all, you need to relax, the tension you are feeling will stop any murmurs you may have brewing down there.
NEVER PUT BLAME upon your partner no matter what the reason, if you truly love and care for them, you can work with them to get through the rough spots… Whether its Sexual, Emotional, or even financial, in order to make any relationship work you BOTH have to be willing to work on it.
So my Lady, do not take it to heart, YOU ARE NORMAL! Embrace the beauty and love you have to share, be open to new experiences and never allow someone else to make you feel less than important, less than normal, for we all have our own way of experiencing the journey we are on. If we work together, it will in All-Ways be a beautiful one.
Changing The World One Orgasm ~ At A Time™
Michael Schuessler, author of the sex and sensuality classic, ‘The Holy G-rail’, Please visit his website, www.theholyg-rail.com to see all the different forms of Michaels works of creativity.
If you have any questions, in the sensual or sexual arena of life please E-mail me. (Use an alias if you’d like to keep your privacy).
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