Can we just give Crystal the trophy already and call it a season? Please? It’s getting downright painful to watch this show and all of the meek warbling of its contestants week after week. But Seacrest needs 5 jobs, Randy Jackson needs the forum to display is hideous sweaters, and where else are we going to get our Simon Cowell fix?
So let’s plug on with the recap…
Last night was “Inspirational Songs Night” getting us ready for the fan-tabulous “Idol Gives Back”. We’re supposed to be moved by the night’s song selections and ready to get all warm, fuzzy, charitable and stuff. But instead it might have just made everyone bored, tone deaf, and slightly nauseous. Not even Alicia Keys could save us. She tried, oh did she try, but in the end, we were doomed anyway.
First up.. Casey James. Singing “Don’t Stop” . No Casey, you can stop. Anytime would be great. He’s just so generic and picks awful songs. It was also a little haywire with so many things going on at once with the band, guitar riffs, and backup singers. The judges panned it, Simon called it “Lazy”, and Casey pouted for the girls. He’s safe. No worries, girls, he’ll be back. Idol needs a Garage Band Hero, and Casey be thy name.
Lee DeWyze is up next and gives us hope that this hour may not be all that excrutiating after all. Picking a smart and thoughtful song “The Boxer” it was great. Kara declared this “his moment” (I know..she said that 2 weeks ago too, I guess Lee is going to have a lot of those “moments”), Simon declared it the best of the night so far. Poor Casey. He was the only one on before Lee! That had to hurt. Lee’s safe, duh.
Tim Urban, you know that Zac Efron looking kid with the grin? Sang some Goo Goo Dolls song. And there’s really not much more to say after that. Is there anything to ever say about Tim? Nope. Bottom three for sure this week.
Lil’ Aaron Kelly did his best R.Kelly and got Trapped in the Closet… or was it I Believe I Can Fly? Oh yeah, the flying song. Trapped in the Closet would’ve been more interesting, though. The kids can sing, I’ll give him that, but he’s just so milquetoast. All the judges ever have to say is “yeah, you can sing, I guess” and move on to the next. Aaron will be around a little while longer, nobody votes FOR him, but nobody remembers to NOT vote for him. Kind of the good thing about getting lost in the shuffle on this show.
Siobhan. Oh Siobhan, wearing glittery insects all over the place sang “When You Believe”. Boring. Bottom Three. Not a disaster, but the kitschy-ness of Siobhan has worn. Now it’s just annoying.
Big Mike sang a song about Spiderman. I guess that’s inspirational. It was a mess. Everything Big Mike does is messy, as far as the style and arrangement goes. Is it acoustic? Rock? Soul? Experimental? It’s like he tries too hard to be all of it and it just sounds like noise. Bottom three… probably going home.
And finally, the clouds part, rays of sunlight wash over the Idol stage, and out comes Crystal Bowersox. Took those little karaoke hacks to school with “People Get Ready”. Very awesome. Especially the a capella part at the beginning. feeling the moment, she broke down at the end, but it didn’t matter. Standing ovation from Randy, showing us the ugly pants that go with the sweater, and other nice things from the judges.
Then something strange happened… no Seacrest didn’t fall off the stage… but when they replayed the numbers to vote, we saw Crystal finish the song she couldn’t finish just 30 seconds ago? Whaaaat? Did I miss something? Have too much to drink? Get sucked in to an alternative universe?
Come to find out, those people at Idol are clever little sneaks. They tape those recaps at dress rehearsal! Just in case someone’s head explodes trying to hit a high note or something (ahem, Siobhan) we can forget the carnage when we’re dialing! Brilliant! Well done, Idol! Now make us forget the whole hour and you’ll definitely be on to something!